I usually manage to get something posted here around this time of year. Perhaps I get more introspective about my life, but this feels like a need to connect on an even deeper level, beyond personal. I suppose this is a normal feeling during the holidays as we think of what it is to give to one another. I learned long ago that giving doesn’t come in measured time only during specific holidays or other celebrations in life, although these are perfectly good reasons to go there. We need to celebrate each other for whatever reasons we wish to use as an excuse to do so. We need to bring back our love for one another.
The pandemic put us into a jump-start mode for change, whether we wanted to go there or not. We were forced to isolate from one another, to stay at home and ruminate in our surroundings, and often in our own complex heads. This was particularly difficult for many, especially those who live alone, which is understandable, but I do believe we were given a gift. We were stretched, reshaped and perhaps pulled unwillingly, but we came out the other side with a new sense of who we are and perhaps most importantly, what we value most in life.
I do not say this lightly. There were stages of frustration, grief and even anger. There was a sadness that set in for many of us, and I know I wavered about many things I once perceived as important, even about subject matter I would choose to paint. I could not bring forth anything that seemed significant enough, and I still puzzle about this. I know I was processing all this change, but I have not quit jumped back to my former creative self and have come to accept that this is okay. I must say here that I know there were and still are many subjects/issues worthy of painting, but my heart wasn’t feeling it enough.
The pandemic put us into a jump-start mode for change, whether we wanted to go there or not. We were forced to isolate from one another, to stay at home and ruminate in our surroundings, and often in our own complex heads. This was particularly difficult for many, especially those who live alone, which is understandable, but I do believe we were given a gift. We were stretched, reshaped and perhaps pulled unwillingly, but we came out the other side with a new sense of who we are and perhaps most importantly, what we value most in life.
I do not say this lightly. There were stages of frustration, grief and even anger. There was a sadness that set in for many of us, and I know I wavered about many things I once perceived as important, even about subject matter I would choose to paint. I could not bring forth anything that seemed significant enough, and I still puzzle about this. I know I was processing all this change, but I have not quit jumped back to my former creative self and have come to accept that this is okay. I must say here that I know there were and still are many subjects/issues worthy of painting, but my heart wasn’t feeling it enough.
Now I sit here on my couch knowing full well that I cannot go see any loved ones this Christmas. I cannot hug and kiss my grand children, share in stories and laughter, delicious food and warm intentions. Covid has finally taken me for its unpleasant ride. I knew that many viruses have been on an upswing, but I was so enjoying not having to wear a mask. It is an inevitable consequence. I am feeling better each day, but wake up to new issues. Today my ears hurt and were so stuffed that hearing is an even bigger issue.
This is also happening during yet another arctic freeze, with a temperature of 17 degrees this morning, the wind chill being 2 degrees. This is Houston, Texas. My tropical plants are looking worried, or maybe that is me. I have the heat turned up to 72 but the thermometer reads 50. Not exactly the plants favorite kind of weather.
This is also happening during yet another arctic freeze, with a temperature of 17 degrees this morning, the wind chill being 2 degrees. This is Houston, Texas. My tropical plants are looking worried, or maybe that is me. I have the heat turned up to 72 but the thermometer reads 50. Not exactly the plants favorite kind of weather.
Getting back to something we never want to experience – grief. Just over 2 months ago, my daughter-in-law, Lesley, passed away. There is such sadness in my son’s face. He doesn’t talk about it, but I can see it there. My grandchildren seem to be coping, but children deal with grief in different ways. It is a long trek ahead for them, probably the rest of their lives. Grieving the loss of a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, doesn’t ever just end. One hopes that its hard edges will smooth over time, but it will still be there.
I know many of us are reminded of loved ones who have left us at this time of year as we gather during this season of light. I know Christmas lights always bring a smile to my face and have written about it many times. Right now with this chilling weather, I am reminded of why a fire is important. Gathering around the fire to warm ourselves, which is the primal place for connecting as stories were told, food was shared and the hearth became the center of a home.
I have heard it said that grief is the price we pay for love. Having lived as long as I have allows me the realization that I am willing to pay the price, because really, all we have is love.
God breaks the heart again and again and again until the heart stays open – Hazrat Inayat Khan
I know many of us are reminded of loved ones who have left us at this time of year as we gather during this season of light. I know Christmas lights always bring a smile to my face and have written about it many times. Right now with this chilling weather, I am reminded of why a fire is important. Gathering around the fire to warm ourselves, which is the primal place for connecting as stories were told, food was shared and the hearth became the center of a home.
I have heard it said that grief is the price we pay for love. Having lived as long as I have allows me the realization that I am willing to pay the price, because really, all we have is love.
God breaks the heart again and again and again until the heart stays open – Hazrat Inayat Khan
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